I am an Early Childhood Educator who is passionate about children and early learning. I have been teaching since 2009 in a group childcare setting with 100's of families with newborn to five year old's. Over the last few years I have seen more and more parents struggling with working full time and raising their children. So many households now have both parents working full time, which leads to burnt out families who are exhausted and end up using parenting techniques that work in the short run to help their child’s behaviour….but in the long run makes soooooo much more work for themselves. I have seen it so many times, a parent says ‘no’ to their child, the child throws a temper tantrum and the parent caves and gives them what they want. The child happily changes their attitude and the house is at peace again. Yes, in the short term that works great, BUUUUTTTTT in the long run you are basically teaching your child…If I don’t like the answer I’m given, and I yell/scream/cry enough, I will get my way and I will get WHAT I WANT. This creates a vicious cycle of the child throwing a fit every time you say “no” or “not right now”. They WON’T outgrow this, the only way to correct their behaviour is by implementing firm loving boundaries and consistent consequences. Consequences are not meant to be punitive. Consequences are meant to help teach your child learn that their actions have results.
For example:
If I make a mess…..I need to clean it up.
If I yell and scream…..I won’t get my way, and mommy/daddy will not give me what I want.
If I ask with my manners…..I will probably get what I want.
If I ask with no manners…..I will not get what I want.
If I wait patiently….I will get a turn.
Your job as a parent is to help your child learn life skills, explore the world around them and teach them how to be a functioning member of society. Oh and the biggest one….how to give & receive LOVE!!! The most loving thing you can do for your child is to teach them healthy boundaries and guide them to be successful. Children thrive when they know the expectations and have consistent boundaries.
I started Calming Roots - Sleep & Parenting Consulting this past January 2021. My goal in starting this business is to help parents find techniques that work for them, their child and their family as a whole. With Calming Roots I am able to help parents strengthen their parenting abilities and give them confidence in their skills. Every family is different and every child will respond differently to each technique. Finding positive parenting techniques that work for your family allows you to set healthy boundaries with your child, that teaches them natural and logical consequences. When children can see their actions have consequences they will learn to make better choices and change their behaviours accordingly.
Natural consequences = The natural progression of their actions will lead to the consequence (don’t wear jacket=cold, don’t eat=hungry). Sometimes, natural consequences are the best way to teach your child and not enter into a power struggle. Pick your battles!! The natural progression of their actions will lead to the consequence (don’t wear jacket=cold, don’t eat=hungry).
Example: They refuse to put on their gloves so you say to them “I understand you don’t want your gloves on right now, it is chilly outside and I think your hands will get cold playing in the snow. Instead of yelling/crying , Please use your words and tell me ...I don’t want to wear them.” **After **they tell you with their words you can say….”Thank you for using your calm words and telling me that you don’t want to wear them, Let’s pack them in your bag in case you need them.”
Logical consequences = Relates to their actions in a reasonable & respectful manner and relates to their behaviour in a cause/effect way. It teaches your child that their actions have consequences and that they are responsible for those actions.
Example: Your child spilt their food on the table while not sitting down in their chair and being silly at breakfast. As a result they will need to get a towel and clean up any wet messes and a broom to clean up the rest. They are part of the restorative actions.
Yes of course, it would be faster and less of a mess for you just to clean it but overtime the more you follow through with them doing it, they will learn... 'I made a mess, lets clean it up'. They will need help when they first learn this skill but after a few tries they will get better & better and soon enough....you won't even need to help them clean it up, they will just do it all on their own.
Discipline and punishment are two VERY different things. Discipline helps teach your child to follow rules & expectations while punishment has a shaming quality and no learning.
Giving your child positive reinforcements for the behaviour you want to see ALWAYS has greater results in replacing their negative behaviours. By providing your child with clear expectations, and following through consistently with consequences will teach them overtime what to expect and what the expectations of them are.
My intention is always to help families build loving, respectful homes
with happy & healthy children.
-Kierstin